2005-03-31
2:05 p.m.
you miss a lot when you skip out on two weeks of class - especially important things like that fact that your entire class has come to hate the woman (professor mulder took ill, i'm afraid. and will be sitting the rest of the semester out.) teaching the course. we're talking hate. fire of a thousands suns and all that. apparently in some fit of frustration during discussion time last week, the wench assigned us a 15-page paper on any topic of discussion. so, when she was twenty minutes late showing up today, the majority of us signed a piece of paper as an attendance list, taped it to the board up front, and left. a few remained in their seats, astonished that we were actually leaving.
i personally am not as worked up over it as most of my fellow literature of the occult students (i'm going to lose my money, but i'm seriously considering dropping this class. it's really gone downhill since prof. mulder got sick, and honestly, i've got all the english credit i need - i was just taking this for fun.), but hey, any excuse to get out of class sometimes, you know? though, i'm pretty sure she's going to find some way to bitchslap us for this next week.
last week annie was in town and i went with her and doug to see quasilulu up at this place called the bitter end in the city. good times! i hope they come to jersey at some point. doug took approximately 524534632 pictures as we had ideal seats (right up the band's noses. i was tempted more than once to steal the tambourine on the stage next to our table, but thought better of it.). the backup singer looks so much like my aunt, i was expecting her to have a thick filipino accent. also, there was something very attractive about the drummer that i couldn't really put my finger on, but i definitely found him to be a distraction.
tomorrow is april fool's day, and i am dreading having to go in to work. one of my co-workers (who, incidentally, is also named doug.) is notorious for his april fool's pranks. he's one of those sick bastards who plans these things months in advance. i'm terrified.
i'm also exhausted. explain to me again why i sat up all night watching monty python instead of sleeping?
2005-03-28
5:44 p.m.
ah, early spring rain. nothing like a bout of pneumonia to get the blood flowing. or bring it to a grinding halt.
i don't have pneumonia. i think i'm making pretty good progress towards it, though. my jacket zipper and i tend to scoff at the elements.
i will surely pay for my bravado, though.
oh yes.
have i neglected to mention that i'm extremely tired? i'm always tired, but i rarely drink coffee - it would probably just be another addiction i can do without. today, however, as i noted earlier, has been a double espresso day. un giorno d' il due espresso!
a highly ineffective double espresso day. but that's what i get for buying my coffee from an automated machine in the natural and applied sciences building.
(kill me. i feel sick. if any of you are my friends, please find me and kill me. i will be at work until midnight after i leave the campus. if you kill me, they might send me home early. i might even get tomorrow off.)
i love rain.
2005-03-28
3:22 p.m.
dear journal,
today is a double espresso day.
2005-03-17
1:28 a.m.
i have been staring at the an open, blank word file for several hours now, doing my damndest to manifest some excuse for a paper for my literature of the occult class. i am required to write a paper on one of the class topics of discussion (i.e. telepathy, precognition, retrocognition, clairvoyance, etc etc etc) and its impact on my daily life.
here's the thing: i am not a practitioner of anything encompassed by the term "occult." i don't read tarot cards, i only vaguely have an idea of what a rune might be, my motivation for lighting any candles is purely light and scent-driven...i don't so much as take a glance at my horoscope in the sunday paper. so, how does one write about the applicability of something to his or her life when that thing does not, in fact apply to said life?
lie. make shit up, and hope that you aren't further interrogated about it by your teacher or fellow classmates, especially during class discussion time. a truthful paper would state only my wish to clarify the line between believing and knowing things, and contain lots of boring scientific facts as they apply to my personal theory on supernatural phenomena involving human mental capacity and ability. boring, boring, boring. that whole sentence alone was boring. the trick is to entertain your english professor (especially if he or she is an adjunct). then they'll think you're fucking brilliant, when really you've only learned to bend words until they look brilliant.
unfortunately, by lying about my personal belief system (which is not so much a belief system as it is acceptance of things i know to be true, and careful consideration of that which has not yet been proven absolutely. maybe that is a belief system. oh, fuck if i know.), i feel that i'm probably disrespecting not only my teacher, but most likely my entire class by pretending to buy into things the same way that they do.
but...i do have a deadline to meet. and this paper certainly isn't going to write itself, now is it?
2005-03-09
5:34 p.m.
i just want to crawl in a hole and sleep until everything goes AWAY.
christ, would you listen to me? i sound like some sullen goth high school kid. put me down like a rabid dog if i start writing bad poetry about self-injury or lamenting about fake plastic people on television or any such nonsense like that. this would most most definitely include a post-mortem dissection of my brain to see what went wrong.
it's really not all that bad. i'm just busy. and tired. very tired. if it were possible, i'd take some time off to spend away from other humans. i'd go brood on some deserted island somewhere like the Hulk. however, every time i turn around, i trip over another human. usually he or she wants me to help them work the dvd player.
2005-03-01
5:17 a.m.
what exactly happened to the days when i actually had something to write about? look at me, writing about not being able to write. what a loser.
i could go for good coma. i was discussing this with the new kid at my job, J, the other day. his idea of a good coma is about three years. he says he figures that by the time he'd wake up, a good chunk of his problems will have just gone away. i personally feel that three years is kind of excessive. i think two weeks is pretty nice coma. maybe a month at the most.
2005-02-21
4:44 a.m.
R.I.P. Hunter S. Thompson
1937-2005
so ends the life of one of my heroes. by a self-inflicted gunshot.
2005-02-14
4:05 a.m.
i usually write some tirade against valentine's day and all it stands for every year. it usually includes something about how the only way to make things bearable is to huddle together in black-clad masses of miserable single people and drink heavily. somewhere in my diatribe, i mention the beheading of a saint, overblown commercialism, gorging on chocolate, and the inaudible death-screams of the millions upon millions of flowers that are slaughtered in the name of this day.
but never do i mention
(1)that drinking heavily will make your february 15th and your liver miserable
(2)that the meaning of the holiday has evolved far beyond the aspect of someone being decapitated
(3)that chocolate contains a substance called anandamide which binds itself to the same neural receptors that THC does, is legal, and even godiva and ghirardelli are far cheaper than halfway decent weed
(4)that flowers are fucking plants and will grow back
(5)that i'm just bitter because i don't have anyone to actually celebrate this holiday with.
but, complaining takes energy. i don't have the energy to passionately complain against something that i can neither do anything about nor really find enough fault in (anymore) to campaign against. i may be getting old.
it is, dare i say it, a nice idea.
doesn't mean i won't be drinking later.